Eloise (& Brad) online

Last week we were on holiday in Devon. On Sunday we took a drive to Burgh Island. The tide was out when we got there, so we took a walk across the sand to the island.With our various gadgets (phones & GPS) we tried to look up a geocache. We found a cache on the island, but we were unable to login to the geocaching website, to pick up the co-ordinates on my mobile phone. A quick call to Alan and we had the co-ordinates we needed.

The island was quite busy, so we wandered around a bit, before attempting to get to the cache unnoticed.
Once we has sucessfully located the cache, it had started to rain, and the tide had come in. So we waited for the tractor back to the mainland, in the Pilchard Inn, and had a quick drink.

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A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?

“We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth”, she replied.

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1. Two blondes walk into a building………. you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - “…If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key…”
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says: “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him £50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said: “No, the steaks are too high.”
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted: “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied: “I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off”.
8. I went to a seafood disco last week…… and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. Continue Reading »

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Last week I upgraded this website to Wordpress 2.6 using the automatic upgrade plugin. Although most of you won’t notice any changes, it will allow me to add some new features soon.

For those of you that didn’t notice I have recently added a ratings bar on most of the jokes and posts. This will allow me to see which entries are the most popular on the site. So please cast your vote.

I also fixed the contact us page, which had stopped working (not sure when).

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I didn’t get any decent jokes in my inbox last week, so no joke this week.

If you got any good jokes last week (that are clean!) please either post one in the comments below, or use the contact us page above.

Thanks

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A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, ‘A Hamburger, fries and a coke,’ and turns to the ostrich, ‘What’s yours?’
‘I’ll have the same,’ says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. ‘That will be $9.40 please,’ she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, ‘A hamburger, fries, and a coke.’
The ostrich says, ‘I’ll have the same.’
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact amount.

For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week.

‘The usual?’ asks the waitress.
‘No, this time it’s a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad,’ says the man.
‘Yep! Same,’ says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’
Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer.
Continue Reading »

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